I need help removing her.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.