Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2271) Bad night (562)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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  (601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf
  Replies (133) Good night (1523) Bad night (4849) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

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  (610): He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab. http://tfl.nu/orgb
  Replies (51) Good night (6443) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview

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  (514): in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview http://tfl.nu/us78
  Replies (19) Good night (838) Bad night (3410) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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  (847): She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing. http://tfl.nu/qwo3
  Replies (15) Good night (1991) Bad night (4130) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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  (402): I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat. http://tfl.nu/6414
  Replies (14) Good night (4257) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.

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  (309): Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/11rw
  Replies (15) Good night (3580) Bad night (895)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?

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  (256): Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background? http://tfl.nu/fohx
  Replies (6) Good night (1042) Bad night (2195) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.

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  (859): you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so. http://tfl.nu/9261
  Replies (5) Good night (2416) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...

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  (856): It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder... http://tfl.nu/phk2
  Replies (4) Good night (1257) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.

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  (973): That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that. http://tfl.nu/drll
  Replies (13) Good night (2001) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.

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  (805): I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights. http://tfl.nu/b17v
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.

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  (330): I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library. http://tfl.nu/xc6t
  Replies (6) Good night (1076) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  crossed #23 off the Slucket List!

  (1-925): View more from California

  YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.

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  (925): crossed #23 off the Slucket List! (1-925): YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING. http://tfl.nu/ln8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2519) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  eyebrows regrow, your balls dont

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  (215): if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise. (609): eyebrows regrow, your balls dont http://tfl.nu/311u
  Replies (6) Good night (905) Bad night (247)

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