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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?

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