I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.