take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?