dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk