tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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