went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
