Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
