That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
