Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
