bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
