I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if only i could text you this smell
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
