how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
