i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
