He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
