thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
