She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
