But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
