I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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