I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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