So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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