i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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