we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
