do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
