??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just had sex on a roof
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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