I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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