just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize