"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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