I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
