just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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