dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
