Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
