K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize