My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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