I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
