I'm really into asian looking animals
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
