Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
