he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
