this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This baby is an asshole
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
