I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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