What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
