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I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
