Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
