no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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