Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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