I faked an abortion last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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