The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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