bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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