I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
