i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You ruined the universe
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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