remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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