I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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