I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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