and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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