I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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