He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
