If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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