Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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