Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
