38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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