True but thats because hes a fetus.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
